Every weekend I "pick up the place" to make sure it's "guy clean" for all my friends for Sunday Bear game viewings. Sadly, I've come to the terms that "picking up the place" will never get it "clean." I honestly don't believe I'm a slob, and hope my friends don't consider my place "dirty." Hopefully, my friends are secure enough in my feelings to tell me if it was the case. Although, I can see how something simple as, "Dude, your floor is real dusty" will be difficult to say without appearing as an insulting guest or a dainty fancy boy.
My Mom was over at my condo about a month ago. She was visibly uncomfortable - Actually leaving while saying, "I'm going to leave now so you have more time to clean." The last few times that I've been at my Parents Place (where the floorboards are only something to literally look down at) my Mom has continued her cleaning-based inquisition. Going as far as to state the overall value of the property is at stake.
This somewhat humors my Father. My reactions, his wife's campaign and potentially the spark of memories of his bachelor past.
A growing number of coworkers have been wanting me to host a card night. I've been keeping them at bay because of my recently attacked confidence over this entire issue.
Earlier today (actually yesterday as I write this after 2 am the next day - this is just one issue in a large litany of insomnia-causing ordeals) I called the calvary.
Well, Maid Brigade to be exact:
These people look legit, and also damn expensive. Might as well get it done right. I don't care as much that I know I'm paying extra for bullshit reasons such as that they're green clean certified. I just feel shame in that there's me, without pets, without anybody else, without even a kitchen large enough to cook in (let alone get dirty) calling for help.
Look how freakin' peaceful this lady looks! I want to attain this level of self-actualization though a clean condo.
When quoting me today, they wanted to know if I wanted a one-time, weekly, bi-weekly or monthly rate quote. They wanted to schedule their SECOND trip out.
Whoa buddy, slow your roll Paid Maid Brigade - let's see how this thing works out. Just want it clean for the holiday season so I can have some family friends over for dinner and co-workers for cards. If the Rotary Club starts renting out my living room I'll get back to you.
Lord save me, you're obviously not cleaning.