Friday, July 24, 2009

Has anybody named "Red Hot Annie" commented on your blog?

Q: "You didn't think I was rolling out of here naked, did ya?"
A: True, the Dude should not be surprised at Walter's eagerness to use firearms.

A wonderful thing happened to me today that really brightened my mood.
It wasn't about a certain Southpaw, although the e-notification from a friend today was surely appreciated.

When I received the message that someone named "Red Hot Annie" had commented on one of my previous posts. (NOTE: that post features a picture that is not a line you want to cross - either on sand or at work)

redhotannie said...

thanks for writing about our show! can't wait to meet you there! xo - red hot annie

This was a pat on the back I sorely needed today.
For the past 48 hours yours truly has been subject to a large amount of scrutiny.
Due exclusively to the decisions I have made (or agreed with) as the Vice President of my Condo Board Association.

Long story short, we need to have our building's roof replaced.
It costs a very large amount of money.

If you would like more explanation, you might as well do what my neighbors are doing:
-Knock on my door after 9 pm
-Get me into the hallway in a state of dress not suitable for a serious conversation
-Have a loud conversation outside my door insinuating that I am acting either unlawfully or in direct opposition to the rights of others

A man yelled at me tonight (actually about a non roof related issue - BONUS!)
A woman embraced her young child before me and proposed that she will choose to pay her share of the roof's bill over feeding her daughter.

So I'm now just going to go off the deep end and rant for a while.
About topics that have nothing to do with Ownership, Responsibility or Shelter

Twice today, I was able to deliver a well timed one-liner joke immediately before leaving a group of people.
We all know I like Vegas, and I try to end the show (i.e. a conversation with me) on a high note.
Laughter sounds best when you're walking away from it smiling.

The Recreational Softball League I play in is not Recreational, borderline Softball, and barely a League.
3 friends asked me to play on their team.
I enjoy the company of these three people.
The remainder of my team are upstanding people in their own right.
Not really the kind I would hang out with in other contexts, but they are friendly to me and I appreciate the camaraderie.
Nearly everybody else I see on the "can't call it a diamond cause it's all grass," I don't wish to see again.
Supposedly there's a banquet at the end of all this that makes it "all worthwhile."
It would take the team of vixens from Vaudezilla to be my personal escort to this "Steak Dinner (boom)" to meet that claim. I'll settle for just Maria May I.

Last night after work was my best performance to date on the golf course.
If nightfall didn't come when it did, I could have accomplished my summer goal of breaking 120.
After nine holes I had a score of 54.
We quit after 14 holes, when my score was 84.
(highlight was hitting the green in regulation on holes 8, 9 & 10 resulting in bogey - par - par)

All right, that's it for me.

Monday, July 20, 2009

How often do you get a second chance?

Q: What news made your past weekend?
A: That the leading candidate for Band of TQ's 2009 is coming back to Chicago!

September 23:
The Riviera.
I will be there,
Will you?

However, I don't know how to feel that "Stacy" will probably be there as well.
Multiple people have already told me I now have a second chance with her.
I need to avoid that, avoid her, nothing is getting between me and total enjoyment of a repeat performance.

I was feeling a little bummed about being out of town when Fleet Foxes plays the Metro in early August - but this more than makes up for it... By the way, all in Chicago need to be prepared for the virtual stampede to get Wilco tickets when they go on sale this Saturday [for a show at the UIC Pavilion in October].

In an odd coincidence, Chairlift (famous for having an iPod TV ad song) will be opening for Phoenix... I saw them earlier this year as well - when they opened for Peter Bjorn and John.

Out the door, the ticket is only costing me $7 more than last time.
Not as bad as I was expecting given the band's surge in popularity in that time frame.
But seeing how I won't be buying wine for a girl trying to act old or beer for a cockblocking married couple - it's going to be a cheaper night for yours truly.

Now only if Bjork could announce a tour that comes through Chicago, then I'd be eating a bliss sandwich.

In shocking news if you would've told me 15 years ago - U2's concert tour buzz is not making me feel the least bit regretful over choosing Lebowski Fest Chicago over it.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Will you please text me your First and Last name?

Q: Am I seriously asking you to text me?
A: Yes.

I have a new cell phone.

A critical error from yours truly resulted in the loss of all my contacts.
Especially those on my computer, which was supposed to be the backup.

So, please, I would really appreciate it.
I am asking for you to look me up in your cell phone.
Send me a simple text with your first and last name.

Thank you very kindly,

Why didn't the women who burned their bras break off their heels?

Q: How high are those heels?
A: Too much... it's all too much.

It's late, I'm tired, but something's on my mind
Not gonna take the time to punch in hyperlinks for footnotes
No pictures
Reduced punctuation

Just want to take a moment and talk about high heels
The shoes
The kind ladies wear
The attention-grabbing-look-at-me-shiny-ass versions

Earlier tonight I was at a charity poker tournament
The charity is a travesty, and won't give them even the courtesy of a link
They try to convince you they help the environment
They don't tell you it's from flowers near an off-ramp's photosynthesis

This particular charity is crawling with women looking to bag a rich man
As I type this, most are with a recently met d-bag
or rather, performing some other sort of bag emptying activity

Charity poker functions will normally have their fair share of women
Looking for men who have a cause
Men that have the discretionary income to have causes
Functions that will provide them ample access to alcohol

But tonight there are always more than you bargain for at this yearly event
Volunteering at the tournament earns them a free ticket to their gala ball
A ball that is formal
Prom for those past their Prom Prime

Back to the heels
They were out in full force
Cue that Amy Winehouse song titled so well
I look, yes, I notice, sure

The reasons have been well documented
I'm the only person that has to be told these points
Nobody else probably cares
Everybody loves a woman in heels

Increasing one's height creates a thinning illusion
Stress physics result in an pronounced derriere
Convey a sense of fashion, class, poise, elegance
One who wears heels cares about their appearance

But then you see heels being worn at a rock concert
And you see heels worn with bikinis
Heels that worn on weekend afternoons at a mall that requires walking
(example that in my opinion may be crossing the line to detail here)

A former co-worker once told me she was more comfortable in heels
Don't get it
Comfortable shoes is one of our basic freedoms
One day I hope to be married in non rented shoes

Oh, and there are some major high end versions
Makes me wonder if those are insured
Or needing a down payment to acquire
My 1993 Air Jordan sticker shock would be ashamed

I can't help but remember this girl from Lakeview
Facebook suggested I'd add her as a friend
They don't realize I turned down a 4th date over IM
She's probably was not happy with me

But I remember her for crazy high heels she wore on date one
On a later date she confessed how uncomfortable and awkward she was
Still being nice at this point, I didn't tell her I noticed
Her being on the taller side, she wanted to make sure

That I was as tall as advertised
Men tend to lie about height
Dating veterans know it's the male measurement most embellished
Women most often lie about... I wish I knew

Final point, they're noisy

Monday, July 13, 2009

Will you attend a burlesque show with me?

Q: Do you support the local arts?
A: If not, this is a great opportunity.

Rollin' Outta Here Naked: A Big Lebowski Burlesque

The organizers of this what-have-you are unofficially dubbing September as Lebowski Month in Chicago.
Take that U2, it's been posted - the biggest traveling act to hit The Second City this upcoming September will not be four Irishmen supporting a sub-par album (a humble fan's opinion), but two Dudes from Louisville that screen a favorite movie then host a bowling party.

It's that simple: movie, bowl.

And now it's becoming so much more.

Back to the very free-spirited souls at Vaudevilla...
I have no frame of reference with these people, but I certainly appreciate them.
Please don't think this is an example of a chauvinistic voice who is looking forward to a merging of scantily-clad women and The Big Lebowski (granted, I will not deny being fans of both).
These are people who are finding a creative outlet to put another spin on a valued article of American pop culture.
And if they are able to make money, thus make a living, more power to them!
I don't know about you, but I take comfort in that. it's good knowin' people are out there dancing for all of us who can't.

How can I explain Lebowski Fest to the rest of you?

Q: Muh muh Wi-- my wife? Bunny?
A: The below picture is a reenactment of a scene from The Big Lebowski:

As are these next two pictures:

These were all improvised spur of the moment ideas.
At Lebowski Fest, the people are both the event and the attraction.

The Fest is just a much obliged organized party to get us in the same place.

Now, some of the other pictures...
...will take more explanation: be continued...
(photos by Greg the Mayor)

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Which [Chicago] celebrity death will be our Michael Jackson?

Q: Who's money are they spending?
A: Today's post is brought to you by the current song of the moment: "Unstoppable featuring Santogold & Lil Wayne" by Drake

I was in the barber shop this evening.
Michael Jackson coverage was on the television.
My barber, Roy, made a mention about how much money it must be costing the city of Los Angeles to provide all the police support.

I responded that I would hope that a city with that many celebrities would understand about celebrity mania in America and plan accordingly. That they shouldn't be surprised that public security would be needed for a well-known's death.

Furthermore, I said... "Chicago will look like that when Michael Jordan dies."
Then I thought a bit, and corrected myself.

"Actually, Oprah's death will probably be a much larger scene... Maybe even larger than this [Michael Jackson crowd]."

Silently I thought that there could be a third candidate most likely to bring Chicago to a crawl when their live ends... I actually think that's the right response.

Who's death do you think will be larger than Michael Jackson?
Who's death will make the scene in L.A. pale in comparison to what Chicago may look like?
Who's death will dominate more media?

a) Michael Jordan
b) Oprah Winfrey
c) Barrack Obama

Monday, July 6, 2009

What is too good not to watch again?

Q: Why is this being posted out of the blue?
A: I used this clip over on the Lebowski Fest Blog, and it's just too good not to share here... Even if you've seen it many times before.

Sunday, July 5, 2009

How do you make a very long playlist?

Q:What did you just finish?
A: My 12+ hour iTunes playlist to fuel my solo drive to Louisville and back.

The following is the abridged (slightly) playlist, with some commentary:


1. & 2. "What's Going' On" and "I Want You" by Marvin Gaye
These two songs, just over seven minutes combined, will get me into a good mood while I first start up the car to the time I'm on the expressway.

3. "Tumbling Tumbleweeds" by The Sons of the Pioneers
This is the song that plays at the very start of The Big Lebowski, which if you don't know by know - is sort of the reason for this drive.

4. - 13. The entire In Rainbows album by Radiohead
This remains one of my favorite albums and has existed in my current car, in one form or the other, since my car's purchase. Also, at last year's Lebowski Fest, I saw poster artist Bill Green wearing a recent Radiohead T-Shirt. That's not that important, but I thought it was cool to find other people who share my #1 favorite movie and #1 favorite band.

14. "The Man in Me" by Bob Dylan
For those that have watched The Big Lebowski less than five times, it's one of The Dude's favorite songs, and is played during multiple parts of the film.

15. - 25. The entire Is This It? album by The Strokes
I bought this album when I was in college. It's been a while since I've listened to it from front to back. Just want to listen to it again, and hey - I've got 11+ hours to fill on this drive!

26. - 39. The entire Silent Alarm album by Bloc Party
Pretty much the same explanation as the above, with the only difference is that I bought it after I had graduated.

40. "Hotel California (Spanish Mix)" by Gipsy Kings
Another song used in The Big Lebowski. It's quite a famous scene actually.

41. - 52. The entire It Still Moves album by My Morning Jacket
First off, this band is from Louisville. Secondly, they were the first band to perform at a Lebowski Fest. Finally, they are an awesome band, period.

53. - 63. The entire The Stand Ins album by Okkervil River
This is a nice compliment to My Morning Jacket. It's the most recent album from an act from this past year's Bonnaroo (an event that also had a Lebowski Fest Movie Party). I also think this music will fit in very nicely with the random Indiana countryside.

64. - 74. The entire Z album by My Morning Jacket
Just more good rockin' by Louisville's own.

75. & 76. "Lookin' Out My Back Door" and "Run Through the Jungle" by Creedence Clearwater Revival
I could write a 5 page essay why these two songs belong on this playlist, but I'll spare you and just inform you that they are also related to The Big Lebowski.

77. "Just Dropped In - To See What Condition My Condition Was In" by Kenny Rogers & The First Edition
Song from Jackie Treehorn's Gutterballs. (That explanation requires at least 2, maybe 3, viewings of The Big Lebowski to understand)

78. "A Beautiful Mine" by RJD2
This is a nice audio pallet clenser, kind of like turning on your turn signal as you're about to change genre lanes

79 - 81 "Magic Spells," "Courtship Dating" and "1991" by Crystal Castles
This electric[onic] duo was also at Bonnaroo, which is probably the only thing they have in common with O.River.

82. - 96. The entire In Ghost Colours album by Cut Copy
The drive to Louisville is somewhere between 5 and 6 hours. I think I'm going to need a high energy danceish album at this point in the voyage. Memories of their live show I saw at The Vic will also improve my mood (however I greatly doubt my mood will need a pick-me-up).

97. - 114. The entire Music Has The Right To Children by Boards of Canada
Not as dancy as Cut Copy, but still in the same genreish. I first heard of these guys from a late, late night conversation from a Pittsburgh couple met at last year's Lebowski Fest. I am looking forward to seeing them again.

115. - 125. The entire Set 'Em Wild Set 'Em Free album by Akron/Family
I'm assuming this will be on the return home. I think this will be the perfect background music for sourthern Indiana. Also, I'm thinking about seeing these guys later this month when their tour comes through Chicago. I'm still evaluating if they are show worthy.

126. - 138. The entire You Forgot It in People album by Broken Social Scene
Just one of my most favorite albums by one of my most favorite bands.

139. - 149. The entire self-titled album by Fleet Foxes
A solid album that I suspect will be really good "traveling to" music.

150. - 163. The entire self-tited album by Mute Math
I just bought tickets to see these guys last week. Looking forward to their next album dropping in August.

164. - 179. The entire Tonight: Franz Ferdinand album by Franz Ferdinand
One of the best albums (so far) of 2009. And also one of the best concerts (so far) of 2009.

180. - 189. The entire Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix album by Phoenix
One of the best albums (so far) of 2009. And also one of the best concerts (so far) of 2009.


Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Who is Tom Query?

Q: Who am I not?
A: A sex therapist from Georgia.

As anybody living in the digital world should do, for various reasons, I "googled" myself today.

This is the screen that resulted in that search:

At first, I was a little miffed.
As anybody who writes a blog, I have an overinflated sense of self importance.

But then I settled and was happy... and laughing.
Scrolling down, every link on the first page is about this Sex Therapist from Georgia with a name closely spelled to the one of yours truly.

After a few hours to think about it, I'm more than happy - I'm relieved and glad.
This man, also a photographer it appears, has successfully created a smokescreen for me.
"Experts" on identity security frequently point to how much information people can acquire from just a quick google search. I understand that this doesn't necessarily put me in the clear, but I think it makes me a tad better off than most.

In a somewhat related story, I found out that Linkedin is giving away info to ANYBODY! And I'm very thankful that I'm not on that site - and if you are reading this (and you are on LINKEDIN) you best get over there pronto and review your privacy settings.

I'm very tempted to request the facebook friendship of this man:

At least we have an affinity for Lost in common.