How will this project end?

Q. If the first person you wrote about was your sister, who will be the 40th and final?
A. My brother.

(For Lent, I've decided to write 40 posts about people I love / made me who I am / thankful to know / appreciate)

A very long time ago my Father and I rode our bikes from our home in Prospect Heights to All Saints Cemetery in Des Plaines. It was the only time I had ever been to my brother's grave, until yesterday.

Yesterday, Good Friday, was the first time I ever went there by myself. My only 20+ year memory of the location was vivid enough to get me close... It took me less than 10 minutes to find what I was looking for... The sight of how close together one grave is to the next and how some gravestones only have a single date engraved had quite an effect.

I knew Kevin's death was in an April. I didn't know much more. I saw the date and realized that the anniversary of his death was this past Tuesday. What did I do this past Tuesday? I thought to myself... The answer: Went to work, played basketball after work, checked my fantasy baseball team before I fell asleep...

That's all I did? It made me feel the urge to apologize, and I did... After regrouping I also softly said thanks. Probably just how a selfish kid brother should... It's horrible that I was so cavalier in not recognizing that day... I should have at least called home to tell my parents I love them. Instead I just lived my selfish life. But, as I've said before, I don't think I'd be here (at least not in this capacity) if Kevin had survived past his ten months he saw in this realm... that's why I gave thanks...

To summarize the last 40 posts, especially today's, in as a simplified statement as possible:
I'm happy to be alive.

Happy Easter everybody.

Where did I learn to live?

Q. What was the source of your largest investment?
A. Marquette University in Milwaukee, Wisconsin

(For Lent, I've decided to write 40 posts about people I love / made me who I am / thankful to know / appreciate)

You all had to have seen this one coming. The four years I spent attending MU starting in the Fall of 1998 to my graduation in 2002 have shaped my life more-so than any other epoch. My "college life" was far from the typial fare that fuel MTV reality-based programming - which is the reason why I look back so fondly at my time there.

Don't bother telling me a story involving you getting drunk at that frat party when you almost banged whatshertits. That's not interesting. Then again, my stories of marathon duration (to us) evenings of two-on-two basketball involving players of lesser than average calibur would only be interesting to the other three involved.

Here's a brief list of what I've taken with me since Milwaukee:
-An unhealthy devotion to an at best above medicore basketball program.
-A degree in Marketing I believe helped separated me from others in applying for the new position I applied for 2 years ago.
-A network of friends that I still keep in (varying degrees of) contact.
-Many gold t-shirts.
-A really nice leather basketball I will never bounce outside a gym.
-An I.D. card that I still keep in my wallet (people like seeing the 1998 mugshot).
-The knowlege of what a bubbler is, although I won't ever call one such.
-A prefrence to Frozen Custard over Ice Cream.
-A habit to check the Journal Sentinal's website.
-A love affair with Milwaukee County Buses.

There's more, but you get the point.
I went to John Hersey High School.
John Hersey was an author.
He has a quote painted in the school's main hallway.
To paraphrase that quote, "A school not so much a place to learn about past lives, it's about a place to learn how to live your own life."

Although that quote was in my high school, it was my college that is the better example.

How can you summarize nine years plus more?

Q. Do you know that I graduated first in my class?
A. From St. Alphonsus School (class size = 10 kids)

(For Lent, I've decided to write 40 posts about people I love / made me who I am / thankful to know / appreciate)

I was baptized at St. Al's
Spent the Sundays of my youth in the peu for 9 am mass.
Four years as an altar boy.
My school jerseys from the basketball team are hanging on my living room wall.
After nine years (kindergarten trough 8th grade) it did it's best to prepare me for high school.
Now able to sleep in, I'd go to 10:30 or noon mass.
The new church, with new mass times, now gets me there by 11 am.
Most Wednesday nights, you'll see me playing basketball in their newer gym.

The above list is how I've selfishly benefited from St. Alphonsus Parish in Prospect Heights. I'm not as active as most in the Parish - but I've seen it do great things for many people. Many people are against organized religion (with just cause). Personally, with what I have seen, I still see many examples of where it works.

Where do you spend most of your time?

Q. What's the only way I can spend more time doing something besides work?
A. I'd have to quit sleeping.

(For Lent, I've decided to write 40 posts about people I love / made me who I am / thankful to know / appreciate)

It's amazing the effect a full time job can have on your quality of life.
My last job was the primary force behind my life sucking.
I got home and had no will for any fun.
It was just immediate dreading of the day ahead.

I'm not saying I'm working currently in a super fun happy factory for smiles and sunshine...
But I'm happy to be working there.
I feel others are happy I'm working there too...
Both of those factors, make a huge difference to me.

Especially in today's economy - I'm very thankful to be employed.

What's your fantasy?

Q. What will be the most (immature / pointless / inconsequential) of all these 40 posts?
A. The faceless men and women behind fantasy sports.

(For Lent, I've decided to write 40 posts about people I love / made me who I am / thankful to know / appreciate)

I'll be quick.
I don't know who "started" fantasy sports.
There's a rumor that it was between NY Sports Writers who met for "rotisserie" chicken dinners...
Regardless, these fantasy sports greatly improve the quality of my life - and the lives of my friends.
Seriously, I'm glad they exist and can not picture going through another baseball season without it.

What happens when the doctor / patient lines gets blurred?

Q. Hippa what?
A. Dr. J

(For Lent, I've decided to write 40 posts about people I love / made me who I am / thankful to know / appreciate)

When you are 14 years old, you don't choose your doctor.
It's whoever your parent drives you to when you get sick.
This is how I met Dr. J...
I needed a physical before my freshman year of high school.
It was to allow me the massive humiliation of trying out for a basketball team that I had no prayer of ever making.

Since that day in 1993, Dr. J has since joined my church.
I've seen him on Sunday mornings with his wife and daughters.
My sister knows the family well too.
Dr. J is also my Father's doctor.
And when I see Dr. J he always asks about my family... We joke that all of us are breaking privacy laws - but we will tell Dr. J if our father is not watching his diet and exercising like Dr. J wants him to....

This post, however, needs to be more than just about Dr. J... I am just choosing him to represent all the doctors that I have been in front of when my health has been worse than it is now.

And I'm thankful to all of them that I am now in better health than when I was in front of them.

When you are raised by a teacher, how can you evaluate the educators of your life?

Q. Who got me through high school?
A. The English Faculty of John Hersey High School

(For Lent, I've decided to write 40 posts about people I love / made me who I am / thankful to know / appreciate)

On Ash Wednesday I sat down and made a list of the 40 subjects of this project.
The task was very difficult.
It's also very moving, at least it was to me, and I'd recommend that everybody make a list of 40 people you are thankful to have in your life.
Even if you don't ever do anything with it, it's a process that makes you happy to be alive.

There was a time, however, in which I was not happy to be alive.
Those were the years I spent in high school.
And when I wrote down this list of 40, I had to include this group.
I would not have graduated with my class if it wasn't for them.
That department "got me"
I loved learning from them.

It will have to be under "TQ is now ultra famous and has been petitioned by the entire school to speak" circumstances for me to walk down those hallways again. I do want to show many of those teachers how I turned out... and I want to - as corny as it sounds - thank them personally.

What happens when you meet your friend's parents first.

Q. Can you provide an example of high school sweethearts who are still that way today?
A. Mr. & Mrs. M.

(For Lent, I've decided to write 40 posts about people I love / made me who I am / thankful to know / appreciate)

The reason why I call Skip "skip" is because he shares the same first name as his Father. I had met his father first, so he was "M." Having grown up in a family with multiple repeating names - I gave Skip the option of a nickname - he chose Skip.

M. and his wife N. were both coworkers at the place where I grew so close to Skip. I saw them day in and day out for many months and years. They have been married over twenty five years and still go out on "dates." Their marriage is another example that I remind myself when I doubt if it can still work in today's world.

I also give them credit for raising a good friend of mine. Not to mention, they are one of the greatest reasons why I think I may end up adopting a child.

Can I be as mature as I need to be?

Q. Can I maybe be a mentor?
A. A.S.

(For Lent, I've decided to write 40 posts about people I love / made me who I am / thankful to know / appreciate)

A few weeks ago I wrote about "T.M."
He is someone ten years older than me who I have (and continue t0) look up to...
There's a rather close friend of mine, A.S. who is about seven years younger than I.
Of everyone I'd consider "a friend" he is easily the youngest.

I feel like I'm on the reverse side of the dynamic that T.M. and I have.
He's called me for professional advice, I try to give him some lessons that I've learned hoping he won't have to pay some of the costs I have.

A.S. both keeps me feeling young and reminds me that it's good that I'm not.
He doesn't realize it, but he's making me a better person.

Who's the hostess with the mostess?

Q. What will happen when the girl who loves to throw parties finally has one for herself?
A. M.K.

(For Lent, I've decided to write 40 posts about people I love / made me who I am / thankful to know / appreciate)

If you read my last post, you saw that I mentioned that I went on an "evening date" with KMH, and that she was the only subject of these posts that will be able to make that claim. That's because I actually consider the first date I've ever gone on (with M.K.) doesn't really qualify.

M.K. and I went out to a movie, yes.
But the movie was Bambi, her Mom joined us, and I was five years old.

She's now engaged.
Her wedding will be a huge party, for someone who throws some of the better ones.
For those that know me, you realize that "kegs and boobs" is not what I'm looking for in a party.
Intelligent conversation plus board games with a slight factor on inside comedy is what makes a M.K. party great.

The following, I swear, is a compliment:
My most painless New Year's Eve nights were spent in her condo thanks to her parties.

She's been working diligently in the preparation for her own wedding - I can't wait.

Which gangstas are the most dangerous?

Q. Who's seen me at my most nervous?
A. K.M.H.

(For Lent, I've decided to write 40 posts about people I love / made me who I am / thankful to know / appreciate)

K.M.H. is the only person in these entire 40 posts who has been on a date with yours truly. Serious. We're talking an evening date. Me picking her up, paying for dinner, seeing a movie, kiss good night... no other way to detail the evening: DATE.

We actually had a couple of dates.
Then she hopped on a plane for Spain.
I have that effect.

Kidding aside, that Spanish voyage was well known before date one - so I think the dates went well because I was an immature fellow not knowing what to do with a possible long term thing - so the only way I could have a good date was knowing that its end was imminent.

Regardless, or as she would say ironically "irregardless," we became good friends. Which may not really surprise most because I met her before my 12th birthday... But if you know the history you know that we didn't speak one word to each other over a near 10 year stretch.

Thankfully our paths intersected one night many years ago and I consider her a confidant. She has a very hard and honest opinion that is never shy from being shared. I'm very appreciative of that... appreciative of her.

In fact, we really need to get caught up... It's been too long...

Who's very fun?

Q. Can you think of someone who has matured, but is still has as much fun as when he was a kid?
A. D.G.

(For Lent, I've decided to write 40 posts about people I love / made me who I am / thankful to know / appreciate)

This guy, D.G., I 've spent some of the most carefree fun around. I have great memories of driving over to his neighborhood after school (high school) to play as serious a street hockey game you'll find without park district involvement. D.G. made out of PVC pipes his own nets, had full equipment, and even crafted a "Willard Cup" (named after his Grandfather) to award to the 3 on 3 team champion.

Later, in the year of my personal purgatory between High School and College, D.G. and I found our way to some great concerts in the city. Foo Fighters and Reverend Horton Heat are the best memories - but this year of our concert going lives was highlighted by the discovery of Ben Folds Five: a now defunct trio from Chapel Hill that has yet to be topped in "best first impression by a band" ever.

We've also gone to quite a few college football games in a historic stadium in Indiana, which made me very thankful to return the favor last month - by taking D.G. to a Marquette home basketball game. I was very happy to see him experience a sell-out atmosphere at the Bradley Center, and equally as crushed when MU couldn't beat Syracuse.

What's truly remarkable: though all the changes we've had in our lives - our level of fun together has never dipped... Not through my high school illnesses, not through us going to different schools, and especially not because of his l0vely wife.

This needs special attention: too many friends have been lost from finding "love." They more so enter a "exclusive friendship" instead of a romantic relationship... D.G. is to be commended for staying a close of a friend to me as always- and has won bonus points for introducing his wife into my life too (for she's super cool as well).

I'm very thankful to have D.G. in my life - without him would certainly decrease my quality of life to depressing levels.

How can you close the gap?

Q. What crowd do I feel the most distant?
A. The cousins from my Dad's side of the family

(For Lent, I've decided to write 40 posts about people I love / made me who I am / thankful to know / appreciate)

Family reunions for my Dad's family seemed to occur every four years in my youth.
I remember being the only one not in high school.
Then I remember being the only one not in college.
When your dad is the youngest of six, and your his youngest - it sets you quite a ways apart from some cousins... I have cousins who have kids my age.

But I'm really looking forward to this August, at a psuedo-reunion under the umbrella of a wedding outside San Francisco. Sure, there's still that distance in age, but I feel that the experience gap is shrinking. It's going to be a great time to catch up... For me, and for them.

What's something my Dad and I have in common?

Q. Do you understand the joys of an older sister?
A. My Father's two sisters

(For Lent, I've decided to write 40 posts about people I love / made me who I am / thankful to know / appreciate)

My Dad has two olders sisters: Katie and Margie.
I know, from great experience, that an older sister is a huge wealth of information and guidence.
Usually the info isn't requested.
Thankfully, the advice comes from areas of expertise not just little known by us younger brothers - but from areas completely off our radar.

I've had the pleasure see my Dad's sisters give him advice.
It's fun to see my Dad squirm...
Fun to know that I have more years to expect these situations from my beautiful sister.

Margie lives out in California... I can't wait to see her this August at one of our great family weddings. These weddings have become the defacto reunion for my Dad's side of the family... Sadly, I fear that funerals may soon replace these because
a) nobody more can get married
b) our mortality

Katie, I've spent a considerable more about of time with thanks to her recently living about three hours south of here. The first memories of Thanksgiving were our trip down to Peoria to see them. Sleeping on the futon. Worshiping their cable television. Trying to learn from Katie's husband: my Uncle Ted. (Uncle Ted is a retired professor of philosophy of Bradley University - I regret that they moved to the Pacific Northwest when I finally became educated enough to debate with him)

I might have sold my Father's brothers short yesterday - there's a very long fight I've had with them in which I struggle to maintain a truce. Sadly, I don't understand the dynamic between brother to brother the way I know the dynamic between younger brother and older sister...

When happens when "black sheeps" become the majority?

Q. So are there people out there with different names related to you?
A. My Dad's brothers

(For Lent, I've decided to write 40 posts about people I love / made me who I am / thankful to know / appreciate)

Today's post was to be dedicated to my Dad's three brothers, and the extended family under their various patriarchies...

Honestly, I hate to say it - but I'm pretty distant from them all... Geography doesn't help I guess... Not to mention my Dad doesn't seem much like his older brothers (at least the two still living). It's pointless to get into the differences...

Maybe if I list them out you'll have a better time knowing my inability in knowing where to start
-the former Jesuit turned author
-the former Priest turned protestor
-the touring musician
-the academic, university professor, muscisian
-the one that has learned the craft of making mandolins from scratch
-the folk musician, who I'm sad to say probably would't recognize on the street tomorrow
-the landscape architect or evaluator of organic farms in New England
-the mother in Minnesota (who has two kids who I think are in college now)
-the homosexual in San Fran
-the 50+ year old cousin of mine that got married in a cave (still married)
-the cousin, who I've never met, that lives in Australia

I actually think I'm missing some...
But in listing that out, I think I've found my focus.
The widow of my Father's oldest brother.
Ever since my Uncle's death, my Dad has taken it upon himself to make sure he stays in contact with her.
She's the kind of person that I want to write to her grandchildren - to remind them they have an awesome opportunity with an unbelievable "crazy fun grandma"
Carla, her name, calls my dad "Danny." (It's always a surprise to hear this nickname, and a shock to see my Dad react to it)

My Dad doesn't seem to be cut from the same cloth as his older brothers... And by extension, I might feel as close to those cousins as some others... But by that same token, I need to understand that my life has been shaped by them.

Who raised who raised you?

Q. How many of the four were you honored to know?
A. My grandparents.

(For Lent, I've decided to write 40 posts about people I love / made me who I am / thankful to know / appreciate)

My Dad's dad had passed long before me. My mother never even got to meet him. I share his first name. He was born in the North of Ireland, and I will have to settle for a third hand account of how he got from there to here. Somehow, I feel like a huge slacker when it comes to the Men in my family. My Dad's dad intentionally saved up his vacation days to use before Christmas - in which he'd take a part time job at the Post Office during their busy season. My father has a similar work ethic - you can see it today in his resistance to retirement... Meanwhile, I'm more content than ever to sleep in and waste time in front of a computer or television.

My Dad's mom had also passed before either me or my sister. Thankfully, at least my Mom got to meet her. There's not much we know about the woman raised by a strict English Protestant family named The Bartletts. We can only guess the internal persecution she endured falling in love with a foreigner - and a Catholic one at that. Stories about her are held very close to my father's chest. It creates a charming mystery around her.

I have few memories of my Mom's dad. My sister has a much more vivid memory. I remember meeting Digger Phelps at his funeral. I remember my Dad trying to tell me that was a big deal. It was "pre-highlighter" Digger. If I had known then what I know now... who knows. My Grandfather drove a big yellow Cadillac. Nobody loved the University of Notre Dame more than him. He was able to get my parents married on campus, and was able to get burried in the campus cememtary where he rests today. It's good that my Marquette dedication started after his time... It would've made for an uncomfortable Christmas.

And finally, we have my Mom's mom. "Grandmother" as she insisted to be called, was a very large prescence in our family for the last 15 or so years of her life. If a heaven exists, which I believe does, and I'm allowed one last confession I will devote the majority of my time in front of the gates to this woman: my Grandmother. I regret all the times my eyes rolled, all the times I shot back smart-alek remarks, all the times I put up a fight when called into service. This is the woman that raised my Mother, and I never gave her the amount of respect she deserved. (understandably, there is no way to ever give as much respect as these kinds of people deserve, but there was no doubt room for more). I think the only way I can make it right is when my Mother gets to that stage in her life. I could almost feel the hurt of sacrifice my Mother exerted caring for her mother over a long amount of time when the end was clearly just out of sight. I have from now until whenever that happens to get stronger. Thinking about that task now makes me weak.

Grandparents force you to think about mortaility.
I believe their intangible influence is beyond measure.
Anybody who still has grandparents around today - I am envious...

Are there lawyers in the family?

Q. How formally does your family argue?
A. The brothers P.

(For Lent, I've decided to write 40 posts about people I love / made me who I am / thankful to know / appreciate)

My Mom's nuclear family consisted of two older sisters and two younger brothers. The sisters went on to become teachers, the brothers lawyers. Those are just feathers to put into your cap.

Before my Mom's youngest brother had kids, I would play basketball with him on various hoops over various garages. Lately my other Uncle has been sending me free giveaways from his frequent trips to Kaufman Stadium.

Soon I will give the trial lawyer Uncle an in-depth account of my Jury Duty. I also hope to hear an in-depth report from the other (now retired) Uncle's yearly spring training report.

It's odd for me, as I try to look back at my relationship with these two Uncles... I remember having carefree conversations about basketball and baseball in days past. Maybe those conversations were to humor me the child... And today's conversations are more about humoring them (as they have genuine interest in details from my professional life or theories of how to best run Vegas).

Who makes the holidays more fun?

Q. Who makes my sister and I look like just upstanding citizens of societ?
A. The H Family

(For Lent, I've decided to write 40 posts about people I love / made me who I am / thankful to know / appreciate)

For the sake of fairness, I need to consolidate the posts of this week. I want to make special mention of the entire extended family that has my Mom's sister at the top of the tree.

This family has often invited ours to their home in middle Indiana for some of the best Christmases in my childhood's memory. However, I must admit that it has a separate feel as of late. Our family has pretty much stayed static: My two parents, my sister and me. That's it. However - them - they now have spouses and kids... A lot of kids. My aunt is a grandmother many times over.

It's good to have family you can look up to. Although I know I won't have the fiscal means to give the kind of gifts they give my Aunt - I can always go to them for advice. They have a multitude of upper level degrees from famous institutions. I'm proud to have cousins as smart as them.

Finally, it's nice to see my Mom and her sister together. Two old school schoolteachers that share a rich common memory and upbringing. My Mom is never more comfortable than when she's with her older sister (a feeling I know very well indeed).

Is there a Deacon in the house?

Q. If I was on "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" who would be my phone-a-friend?
A. A.M.

(For Lent, I've decided to write 40 posts about people I love / made me who I am / thankful to know / appreciate)

A.M. is the husband of yesterday's subject (E.M.), which also makes him my honorary Uncle.
He is a retired school principal of the Milwaukee County School System.
He is now a principal at a smaller Catholic High School.
Retirement, in my opinion, is a lazy choice in his mind.

He recently volunteered in South Africa.
A livelong fan of Milwaukee baseball.
Oh, and before I forget, he's a deacon.

He's the man I want to preside my wedding*

*granted it ever happens
*granted my future wife rejects my desire to elope in Vegas (however, I'd pay to put A.M. on a plane to fly him out last minute)

Who is my honorary Aunt?

Q. Is your Mom's cousin your first-cousin-once-removed?
A. E.M.

(For Lent, I've decided to write 40 posts about people I love / made me who I am / thankful to know / appreciate)

My grandmother, and E.M.'s mother, are sisters - which makes my Mom and E.M. cousins. We would frequently have E.M. & Co. over at our house when our Grandmother was still alive - to allow the two upper matriarchs spend more time at the end of theirs.

From an outsider perspective, my sister and I treated E.M. with as much respect as an aunt - but we always just called her E. It's a nice relationship, unique in our extended families.

E. wrote me an e-mail, inviting me to her home for Easter dinner. It's these extra pieces of effort that makes me love her. Glad that she sees me as an honorary nephew. Of course I'm going with my family - and I don't have any decision making power, but it's a kind gesture nonetheless...

(I'm reading what I'm writing above - and I've realized that I'm not effectively detailing why E.M. is worthy of a post... But in my heart, there doesn't need to be any explanation)