Monday, July 5, 2010

How the hell do I fix this?


Q: Are you standing in water?
A: No, that's just how my feet look.

Ladies and Gentleman,

I have something embarrassing to admit / reveal / confess...
About my feet:


The same activity that has caused such a massive "sock tan" (golfing) has left me with a killer farmer's tan. However, that's not much of a problem because I don't venture into the world sleeveless.

But I do like to wear sandals... sometimes... when I'm with friends... but I can't wear sandals when I'm going out into the real world where strangers exist and first impressions may be made.

A friend this evening suggested I go out tanning with a blanket over my legs - only exposing my feet. This was after I jokingly asked if I should buy fake tanning lotion for my feet. This is going to only get worse, and I fear will never get better. I can't exactly go venturing into sand bunkers wearing open toed sandals.

I'm reminded of the great scene from The Shawshank Redemption in which Andy walked back to his cell from the Warden's office wearing nicely polished wingtips. Nobody looked down and noticed his shoes. The last time I was able to get away with it since I was going out at night, able to hide my foot shame under the cover of darkness. If anybody has a somewhat reasonable solution, I'd love to hear it.

This Saturday I'm going to Barrington Brew Fest. It could be a good opportunity for me to make my feet not look as pale as an episode of Seinfeld. Yeah, there'll probably still be a sad distinctive line around my ankle - but progress is progress?

For the record, if this post doesn't illustrate that I've been having a somewhat normal summer without crazy misadventures - I don't know what will.

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