Monday, February 19, 2007

Rock Bottom, you have a visitor

In the weeks leading up to my most recent trip to Las Vegas, I joked that I planned on asking Britney Spears to marry me. I thought that I could catch her at rock bottom. Another Vegas wedding for her wasn't too far fetched.

I think I was two months too early, for I believe the girl has hit rock bottom:
Britney Spears is "on the verge of a nervous breakdown" a tattooist who witnessed her shocking Friday makeover maintains. The singer and mother of two stunned fans and paparazzi photographers when she walked into a hairdressing salon in Los Angeles and asked a stylist to cut all her hair off. When the hairdresser refused, Spears grabbed some clippers, and can be seen in snaps shearing herself bald. The 25-year-old was then followed as she drove to a tattoo parlor and had two images etched; a pair of bright red lips on her wrist and a black, white and pink cross on her lower hip. Tattooist Emily Wynne-Hughes, who was in the shop, now fears the drastic new look is a stark warning of Spears' emotional instability. She says, "After (Britney) left, we said to each other, 'We just saw a huge celebrity on the verge of a nervous breakdown.' She seemed really distraught and disturbed. She was very scatterbrained. It was crazy, very surreal. She's definitely crying out." source: imdb

Earlier tonight, before I knew of the above development, my friend and I watched Christina Aguilera perform during halftime of the NBA All-Star game. During one of the many vocal acrobatics I commented, "You know, Britney's got to get herself back in the game..." It was also agreed that Spears doesn't have the talent of a Christina.

Skank can only go so far.
See Paris Hilton

As a model of living of the momentum of popularity, Famous for being Famous, has Paris become a mentor for Spears? They party together and wear the same (non-existent) underwear...

This is all speculation, but is Britney content with being famous for the sake of being famous? In the name of Anna Nicole Britney, NO. Please NO.

You were a beauty.
Before Jason Alexander (not the Costanza variety)
Before Federline
Before the kids
Before your madness

I'm rooting for the re-invention of Spears. I think its going to be more difficult that previously thought.

The drivers permit crowd that loved her back in the day are now knee deep in McDreamy as young twentysomethings. Today's preteens were too young to remember Britney in her prime. She very well could be known best as Justin's ex-girlfriend. Oops... they all don't care if she did it again.

On the other hand, I think Britney is trying her best to check out of the limelight. Maybe she hated being THE IT GIRL. Maybe she wants to be a HAS BEEN. Maybe she looks at the former members of New Kids on the Block and the Spice Girls with jealously. Nobody is trailing them in a hair salon. And nobody cares if Sporty Spice is wearing any underwear.

As for my conspiracy theory, this is all a set-up for the sequel:

Jamie Lynn Spears

J.L.S. can become bigger than three Lohans if she plays her cards right. For all the younger sisters, for all the Jan Bradys, she can be queen. More importantly, it can give America a second chance at a young Spears phenom. Hopefully for her - we won't push her to a K-Fed, impregnated, hairless and underwearless future.

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